Valuable Insights

Celebrating Allia: Embracing Joy Amidst Grief

children coping with grief parenting personal growth Sep 26, 2023
Me and Allia on her 1st birthday

 

Today holds profound significance for our family. It's Allia's birthday. She would've been blowing out seven candles on her cake, laughing and playing by our side, surrounded by love, if fate hadn't decided differently.

 

 

A Bitter Sweet Birthday

Instead, each year on this day, we gather to honor her with our cherished tradition—a bittersweet one that binds our family closer than ever. This ritual was born from our longing to transform this emotionally charged day into one of celebration. We all stay home, putting the world around us on pause. We create space for a calm, slow morning, alternating between reminiscing and play. In the afternoon, we enjoy the children's favorite meal, sushi, followed by cake, ice cream, and the unwrapping of gifts. We share these moments in the comforting cocoon of our home—often still in our pyjamas, far removed from work, school, and the world's bustle.

Our first birthday party without Allia

 

Her I must confess, I wrote this a day prior. Today, every ounce of my being is dedicated solely to my husband, my children, and my heart. Yet, my urge to share this with you was compelling, in hopes that it might guide someone else navigating the murky waters of grief.

 

Embracing Joy

While Allia isn't here to unwrap her gifts, we've chosen to give Eira, Ailan, and Arion a token each. Not as a replacement, but as a tangible symbol of the joy Allia brought into our lives. Through this, we hope to cultivate joyful memories associated with her, rather than just the shadow of loss.

 

Challenging Connections

Introducing our sons to Allia, whom they never met, poses challenges, given their tender ages. But we believe it's crucial to do so. As Ailan eloquently states, “I miss Allia too; I miss having the chance to meet her.”

Throughout the day, we often sit and revisit pictures and video clips. For Jason, Eira, and me, they're invaluable in keeping her memories alive. For the boys, these visual memories act as bridges, helping them know, cherish, and integrate her essence into their lives.

 

Riding the Waves

The emotional waves we ride throughout the day are profound. My children's seamless transition from tears to laughter embodies a raw, authentic dance of emotions—something many of us lose touch with as we age. Jason and I let them lead, following their guidance and drawing from their resilience.

As night descends, we often immerse ourselves in more memories of Allia, and then transition to a lighthearted movie, grounding our emotions before bedtime.

 

Holding Space

Our tradition, in its simplicity, holds immense power. We hope our children will cherish and partake in it as long as they find it meaningful. Yet, the activities themselves aren't the crux. The essence lies in being together with intent, allowing space for our emotions, and giving ourselves permission to grieve and be vulnerable.

To those reading, if any of this resonates and evokes intense emotions, remember: seeking support is a strength. If you wish to share, reflect, or just need a listening ear, I'm here. Send a message, and if you're up for it, we can set up a free call. Together, we can discover strength in vulnerability and build resilience.

I'll respond to messages tomorrow; today is reserved for family.

 

Remember: Embrace your scars, and they will become the tapestry of your healing.

 

Happy Birthday, my sweet Allia. May your laughter remain etched in our souls forever.

Our Beautiful girl Allia, always full of joy and laughter

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