One question I often encounter in my work as a coach is, “How do I know who to turn to for support?” or “I don’t know how to support my sister, because I feel my grief is stronger, but how can I tell her?” These questions, and many others like them, are all too common.

I want to begin by affirming that everyone has the right to grieve. Your grief is valid, no matter who you are or your relation to the person lost. Grief is not a comparative emotion; it’s deeply personal and unique to your life experience.

This brings me to a concept I call “The Circles of Grief.” Imagine grief like ripples in a pond, with the deceased at the center. In the case of a child’s passing, the parents and siblings often comprise the innermost circle. The next includes grandparents and close friends, followed by aunts, uncles, cousins, and so forth. These circles represent the varying intensities and perspectives of grief, expanding out to anyone touched by the child’s life.

However, while there’s no limit to who can grieve, support dynamics within these circles can be complex. It’s generally not feasible to seek support from someone in a closer circle to the epicenter of the loss than you. Recognize those in the inner circles – they need your support more than you need theirs. Conversely, look to your circle or those further out for your support network.

In my own experience, after my daughter’s passing, I was a wreck. I understood that my parents were deeply hurting too – they adored their granddaughter. But I was consumed with my grief, along with supporting my husband and surviving daughter. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t be a source of strength for my parents at that time.

Similarly, a client once shared how his sister would call him in the night, crying over the loss of her nephew. While her grief was valid, my client was grappling with the profound loss of his son. He felt overwhelmed and somewhat insulted by his sister’s approach for support, which, in his view, seemed to diminish his own grief.

People don’t intend to hurt those in grief when seeking support. It’s a natural inclination to reach out to those closest to us. But it’s crucial to pause and consider whether we should be seeking or offering support in that interaction.

In addition, the role of a grief coach or counselor, who stands outside these circles, can be immensely powerful. A professional, unconnected to the personal dynamics of grief circles, offers a neutral, supportive space to process your grief.

Here’s the thing about grief: it’s a journey with no roadmap, and everyone’s path is different. What remains constant, however, is the need for understanding, compassion, and a supportive environment. Whether it’s from family, friends, or a professional, finding your support network is a crucial step in navigating the turbulent waters of grief.

I often tell my clients that the action you take towards healing doesn’t have to be grand or monumental. It’s about starting somewhere, taking a step, however small. One action can lead to another, gradually paving the way for healing and growth.

In this blog, we’re not just exploring grief; we’re looking into how we can support each other in our moments of deepest need. Grief is a shared human experience, yet it’s unique to each of us. By understanding the dynamics of the Circles of Grief, we can better navigate our own journey and be more empathetic and effective in supporting others in theirs.

Remember, even in grief, there is room for hope, healing, and eventually, growth. It starts with one small step. Take that step today.

If you would like to explore if coaching might be helpful to you, contact me and together we can figure out what the best next step is for you in your healing journey simplyclick here to learn more

If you know someone else who might benefit from reading this, please share. Lets support each other.

and remember :Embrace your scars and you will heal beautifully!