The Day Numbness Became My Refuge 

When my daughter died, I felt the most pain I've ever felt in my life, and at a point my subconscious must have taken over to protect me, and I went numb. It wasn’t just an emotional shutdown; it was a retreat, a survival instinct kicking in. I was functioning – going through the motions of life, being there for my family, fulfilling my obligations – but inside, I was hollow. It was as if my vibrant, multitasking self had been replaced by an automaton.

In that state, I wasn't just numb to pain; I was numb to life itself. My world, once filled with energy and aspirations, felt colorless. I could sit for hours, lost in nothingness, feeling nothing. It was an eerie calm, a silence that drowned out the chaos of grief.

I found that I didn't feel the need to do anything for myself. I had realized that, although I've always been a highly active, energetic, joyful person, I no longer "needed" to do anything to stave off boredom. Because I no longer got bored! I realized that all the situations where I used to struggle with boredom, even thinking about them, no longer bothered me. And I was okay with that. I saw myself going through life this way, just being there, focusing on being a good parent and fulfilling my responsibilities. I didn't need anything else. I was numb, and it was okay.

I was studying a topic I didn't care for, planning to go back to a job that gave me no joy, and I was okay with that. I needed to provide for my family, and I had obligations to fulfil, and I was okay with that to.

This numbness is a state of being that is very tempting to stay in. It feels as if the alternative is excruciating pain, so the numbness is welcomed like a good sedative.

Fear – The Unexpected Catalyst

Then, something shifted. A creeping fear started to creep in... I was forgetting – not the mundane things like where I left my phone, but pieces of my daughter. Her laughter, the funny things she said, the way she tilted her head when confused. This terror propelled me into action. I might be okay with not "having fun," but I was NOT okay with forgetting my daughter. My memories were all I had left, and I did not want to lose a single one. I couldn't – wouldn’t – lose the essence of her. She deserved more than to be a fading memory.

Turning a New Leaf: From Fear to Action

On January 14, 2020, I penned in my journal, "Today, I turn a new leaf." This wasn't just a metaphorical turn; it was a desperate leap to hold onto my daughter's legacy. That's when I stumbled upon Jim Kwik's "Super Brain" program and Mindvalley. This isn't a sales pitch – but it was the lifeline I didn’t know I needed and I have to say I can't recommend it enough! If you're curious,You can get a $100 discount by using this Mindvalley Link  

However that is not the point of this story.

Rediscovery: A Journey Through Mind and Soul

What began as a quest to retain memories transformed into a journey of self-rediscovery. It was as if a switch had been flipped in my brain. Suddenly, I was not just functioning; I was engaging. I dove headfirst into a sea of personal growth resources – books, courses and coaching. Each step was a revelation, each discovery a step away from the abyss of numbness. I found new meaning in my life and even learned to love myself.

Today: A New Chapter of Joy and Grief

Now, my life is profoundly different. It's not that the pain has vanished or that I don't miss my daughter every single day. But I've learned a crucial lesson: grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. I can hold my daughter in my heart, feel the pain of her absence, and still embrace the beauty of life. I can laugh, love, and find joy – and it's not a betrayal of her memory. It's a celebration of the love we shared.

A Message to Those in the Gloom of Grief

If you're out there, lost in the fog of grief, feeling numb and detached, know this: there is a path forward. It might not look like mine, and that's okay. Your journey is uniquely yours. But you must take that first step – any small action. One step leads to another, and slowly, you'll find your way out of the shadows.It's about finding your own source of motivation, embracing it, and giving yourself permission to live a life filled with both love and loss. The world awaits, not just with pain, but with beauty, love, and laughter. Your lost loved ones would want that for you. And you deserve it.

If my story has resonated with you, if you feel a spark of hope or curiosity about how you too can find a way to balance grief with joy, I invite you to explore this path further with me.

I offer personalized, one-on-one coaching, where together, we can delve into your unique journey. We'll uncover your strengths, address your challenges, and build a roadmap towards a life where happiness coexists with your loss. This isn't about moving on; it's about moving forward, with every cherished memory held close.

I'm here to offer support, guidance, and understanding. Let's start with a conversation — a chance for you to share, for me to listen, and together to determine if we are a good fit. This initial call is completely free, with no obligations. It's simply a space for connection, understanding, and exploring possibilities.

To schedule your complimentary session, please book a FREE call. Together, we can discover your pathway to a life filled with joy and purpose, even in the midst of grief.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Let's take the first step together